


But You Don't Have to Be

by Titty_Now_Titty_Later (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto is very lonely, Graduation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6074380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Titty_Now_Titty_Later
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto didn't want to think about how lonely he would be when he graduated. Not thinking about it left him woefully unprepared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But You Don't Have to Be

**Author's Note:**

> I realised that I was lonely today and it kinda sucks. I miss my Kuroo.

The thing is, Bokuto’s afraid of being alone. 

He knew he was afraid and he hated it. He hated that fear, he hated that it was a part of him. It felt greedy and  _ selfish.  _ People should be allowed to leave him behind if they wanted. People should be allowed to have some time to themselves. People should be allowed to  _ not want to be around him every second of every day.  _ It seemed like every moment he’s by himself he was repeating it in his head like a mantra.  _ You’re not alone, you’re just lonely. You’re not alone, you’re just lonely.  _ And it was true because he knew he could pick up his phone at any time, send out a message and get a reply within minutes. 

He  _ knew  _ that. But he never did. Because people were  _ allowed  _ to take breaks from him. People were allowed to  _ like  _ being alone and he should respect that, he should really let them have at least that much. Leaving them alone for a short time was a much better alternative to demanding their attention until they left him behind for good, after all. It could happen and he really didn’t want it to. So whenever got home from practice and wanted to call Kuroo, whenever the lunch bell rang and he wanted to run to Akaashi’s classroom and tell him something stupid he and Konoha had done, whenever his teammates got swept up in a conversation that he couldn’t understand he told himself that it was  _ okay, it’s fine you’re allowed to feel like this right now if it means they’ll come back later.  _

Maybe he wasn’t very good at keeping in touch with people. Maybe he wasn’t very good at answering old texts that he missed, but it was because of that continuous thought of  _ Yeah but maybe they don’t want to hear from you right now. Maybe they don’t want to talk to anyone right now. You shouldn’t try to demand their attention, you shouldn’t feel like this, you shouldn’t be so greedy.  _

Weekends were harder but at least he had cram school on Saturday and practice on Sunday. Holidays were… Well, the team often dedicated a week to a training camp, which always left him exhausted for a few days after. But from then on until school started again was… It was agony for Bokuto. His whole team had spent an entire week in close quarters with him, he didn’t particularly want to force them to deal with anything more. Kuroo had his holiday cram as soon as he went home from camp. Bokuto didn’t even want to think about how reluctant Akaashi would be to talk to him. If he did things just might get ten times worse than they were.

And despite the extra study, despite the way the reality of it had been weighing on him since the start of his third year, Bokuto somehow failed to view his graduation as something that would trigger that part of himself that he hated so much.

The thing is, most of Bokuto’s active roster were in their third year too. Kuroo would be graduating and moving closer to Tokyo, same as Bokuto. Everyone would be going to university (with the exception of Akaashi of course but Bokuto really did try his hardest not to think about that).

What he forgot to think about at all was that Kuroo would likely get into a better (read:  _ different)  _ university than he could. What he didn’t even consider was that his teammates wouldn’t want to pursue playing volleyball into their careers. What he hadn’t realised was the sheer, incomparable  _ mass  _ of Tokyo and all the people living there.

_ You’re not lonely,  _ he told himself at first once he’d moved his stuffed suitcase into his room  _ (his, it was actually his! He was paying for it and everything, his name was on the lease!)  _ and snapped Kuroo a pic of him lying smugly on the queen sized bed that took up essentially the whole thing.

_ You’re not lonely,  _ he told himself when he was messaging Akaashi a week later, excited to tell him how massive Tokyo was and how keen he was to see the university’s gyms. 

“I’m not lonely,” he told his mother when she called a few days after that to ask how he was settling in. She’d cried earlier, apparently, and he felt pretty bad about that. He wanted to reassure her that it wasn’t so hard on him. And it  _ wasn’t. It’s not like he was lonely. _

_ You’re not lonely this time,  _ he told himself when he was still awake at two in the morning, listening to the sound of his ceiling fan churning the air in his bedroom.  _ You’re not lonely,  _ he told himself when he reached for his phone and thought better of it.  _ You’re just very, very alone. _

And really, that’s what he was most afraid of in the world. He hated that he always had to give in to that feeling. It was two o’clock in the morning on a Tuesday and everyone had something to do when the sun came up. He shouldn’t be selfish, he shouldn’t demand that anyone put him before a good night’s sleep. Lord knew how much he appreciated - and missed - it.

He picked up his phone anyway. 

_ >> To: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ its lonely here :’( _

Less than a minute later his phone buzzed against his chest. 

_ >>From: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ you’ll find new friends on your team, bokuto-san. do you know what time it is? _

For some reason the response didn’t assuage any of the frustration growing in him like a large bubble. 

_ >>To: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ i bet their setter suks _

_ >>From: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ go to sleep bokuto _

_ >>To: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ i wish u could toss for me again _

He placed the phone on his chest and fell asleep waiting for it to vibrate against him.

It was later in the morning, when he was sprawled on the couch in his boxers with coffee and a bowl of cereal, that he finally got a reply.

_ >>From: tfw u akaashi  
_ _ i could probably visit on the next long weekend. mum said it’s fine and kuroo wants to see you too _

He clenched his fingers tightly around the phone and felt a small smile tremble onto his face for the first time in what felt like too long. 

_ You’re not alone,  _ he thought to himself while he quickly typed out a jubilant reply, _and it's not like you have to be lonely, either._


End file.
